She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
FUCK WHALES
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
