woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
