Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
