Well apparently he's into motor boating.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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