I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
and she was petting her beer can
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
