dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
