The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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