i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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