Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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