My sheets look like a crime scene.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
