Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
