I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
