More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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