I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Will exercising make me less horny?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
