I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
