get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
