I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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