At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
