What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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