im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
