We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
