What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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