What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
