Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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