He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
