So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Couch. On fire.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
