I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
