Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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