Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
