Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize