never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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