Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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