I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish you could order shots online.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
