smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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