How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
