I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
