I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
