Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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