fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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