i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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