They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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