the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
