was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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