i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
