i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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