I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
someone threw a dead crab at me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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