he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize