I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
