I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
