Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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