dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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