Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize