My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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