I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
