Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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