Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
