My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
