tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
