She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
