dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
