she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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