Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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