When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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