Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
