do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
