yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
