i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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