captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
