my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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