it's too hot outside to masturbate.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize